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So ...

Sep. 26th, 2002 | 02:12 am
mood: sadsad

It happened. Jerry broke up with me today. I can't say it was really unexpected, at least.

Only other notable thing that happened before that: the Coming Out dinner. It was fabulous! And Jerry was there, so we sat together, making that the last thing we ever did together, but I'll get to that. The coming out stories were really awesome, and they served well to remind me that we are a community of LGBTA people here at Duke, and a really cool one at that. I got to read the story of a female ally, and I was last so people were getting restless by the time they got to me, but it was all good. Plus the food was GREAT (from Saladelia Cafe), and Faculty Commons is really pretty ... I gotta get in with professors to take me there, ha.

Now, regarding Jerry. He said he would come by my room later on, so after the dinner, I rushed back home and did some reading and procrastinating with Sarah and Alexis in my room. Eventually Jerry showed up and took me out to the commons room, immediately beginning to justify why he thought we shouldn't go out anymore. I knew and agreed with almost everything he said, but I hadn't wanted to admit it to myself ... at least this way I was forced to acknowledge it. Mainly, his issues had to do with the fact that we never see each other (which I contend is mostly his fault, but whatever) and that we're too different to be going out. I cried through his entire spiel, and didn't say much except agree with what I thought was true and assert that I don't hate him for breaking up with me and don't intend to ever feel that way (though who knows what the future will bring). When he was finished, I gave him a huge final hug (which I think was really necessary and helped me), returned the bear he had given me after the car accident last week, and said bye. Then I cried for like an hour ... first in the gazebo, then in the guest bathroom ...

In a way, though, I'm relieved because I discovered over the last few hours that my mind is so clear now that I don't have to worry about the state of my relationship with Jerry anymore. Who knows how I'll feel tomorrow, but for now, I'm surprisingly well under the circumstances ... not great, but passable.

Since this all happened in the commons room, lots of people saw what was going on. It was kind of annoying not to have privacy at the time, but at least my friends came to me. Kudos to Alexis, Sarah, and Stephen, by the way, for bringing me ice cream and providing general solace ... the best thing that probably came out of today is being reminded that I have great friends who love me a lot ... I love you guys too!!!

Oh, so after all that, I went to the Coffeehouse and did a good deal of reading over there ... mmm, old couches. I intend to hang out and study there a lot more during the week. Yay!

I'm going to bed now ... tomorrow is another day.

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